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updated 17th June 2001

Listed below are a few things that make me think. There are as yet unanswered questions and observations on a few of life's oddities that make me think but don't make me rant. See also my oxymoron page.   If you would like to add your own then email me and, in the unlikely event that I agree, I'll publish them here. Any answers would also be welcomed. Click on the link below to see the latest entries.

Best Humor Site in the 'British' section

New!  "I'm emailing you today because you have won an award for Best Humor Site in the 'British' section of our site!"

New! The Latest Things to Make You go Hmmmmmm New!


Before Sliced Bread
A well used phrase is, "That's the best thing since sliced bread", referring to any new and useful invention. The question is, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

Adrian Davis asks, "Who invented Sliced Bread" - good question, and one that we now have an answer for, thanks to PT:

You ask "who invented sliced bread" on your web page.  Well, in the interests of sanity (and a dull afternoon at work) I've come up with the answer.  The answer is Otto Frederick Rohwedder in 1928 at Battle Creek, Michigan.  See:

http://www.stats.org/newsletters/9907/toast.htm http://www.csmonitor.com/durable/1998/03/03/home/home.1.html
http://www.cbc4kids.ca/general/the-lab/history-of-invention/slicedbread.html

Of course, he was the one who invented the slicing machine - I suppose that bread has been sliced manually for hundreds of years, even before the invention of the sandwich.  Perhaps the saying "the best thing since sliced bread" was originally meant to be ironic?  After all, there's not much that you can do with bread unless it's sliced off the loaf...

James Carey writes: 
"Your sliced bread article on the ponder board made me think maybe it is actually slicing bread that's brilliant, not the machine, because as you correctly say.  I suppose that bread has been sliced manually for hundreds of years, even before the invention of the sandwich.  Perhaps the saying 'the best thing since sliced bread' was originally meant to be ironic?  After all, there's not much that you can do with bread unless it's sliced off the loaf...

Unsliced bread would be of little use and would have had to be so small to fit in your mouth it would have all been crust, so obviously sliced bread is a brilliant invention and having been around for so long there would have been very little around before its invention worth speaking about. Possibly people went around saying things like 'This is the best invention until sliced bread.' (or possibly not)."

This got me thinking:
Perhaps people went on about roads, sanitation or whatever new invention had just changed their lives forever.  Taking this hypothesis further, it implies that people were (are?) quite shallow, as to think that a bread slicing machine is more important than, say, penicillin doesn't make much sense when you stop and think about it!


Near Miss or Near Hit?
Whenever an accident is narrowly avoided, especially one involving aircraft, it is nearly always referred to as a Near Miss. Shouldn't this be a Near Hit? "I Nearly Missed that 747" implies, correct me if I'm wrong, that "I Hit the 747".


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Dyslexia
Why is this so difficult to spell?

Flogging a Dead Horse
I wonder if anyone has actually ever been found flogging a horse that is actually dead?

3 more things to get you scratching your head. Thanks to Joshua Gadbury for these.
Sign Makers
When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?

Drive Though Banks (or ATM's as our friends over the pond call them)
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?


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Kamikaze Pilots
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Thanks this time to BoojWaZEE@aol.com for the following five:
Ideas
Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?

A possible solution to rising sea levels
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?


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Phonetics
Why isn't "PHONETICS" spelled like it sounds?

Styrofoam
When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Mixed Proverbs
It's the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse that gets the cheese.


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Thanks this time to PT for this one:
Our friends from the East
If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?

Thanks to janet@alive.karoo.co.uk for this head scratcher:
Vegetables
When someone is in a coma and unlikely to recover and they will be a vegetable, why is it always a cabbage? Good question - anyone care to enlighten us?


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Thanks to MOHOMMID@aol.com for the following two:
Aircraft building
If the "Black Box" flight recorder is never damaged during a crash, why isn't the whole plane made out of it? Makes you think, although I suspect the real reason is probably something to do with cash, weight & being able to get the thing off the ground.

Fathom this one
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?   Ummm..........

Thanks to Bill Bray (at  william.bray@opoce.cec.be ) for this one:
Don't try this at home
Why do we talk of a baby as being a bouncing baby boy (or girl). When I dropped my children they never bounced, just made a kind of thudding noise?    Good question, and I must point out, especially for any over-zealous litigious Americans reading this, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME (or, indeed, anywhere)!


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Thanks to Anne (no other details emailed) for this one:
Monosyllabic
Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?    Good question, why indeed?

Thanks to Don for this one:

Wedding Receptions
If you wear an antennae to a wedding, is the reception better?  A good question.....


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Thanks to Bryan Snoddy for the following two (black spot was his rant but my ponder):

Black Spots
A radio black spot is an area that is no good for radio reception whereas an accident black spot is a bloody brilliant place to have a crash!  Makes you think.........


Buttered Bread
If you always buttered your bread on the other side would you never drop it?  Anyone care to experiment with this one?

Thanks to HARM222@aol.com for the following two - looks like we've had a run on buttered bread!

Buttered Bread & Cats
If a cat always lands on it's feet and bread always lands buttered side down, what happens if you buttered some bread and strapped it to the back of a cat?  A good question, but I think I've got some insight into this one.  First of all, you would most likely be fatally lacerated by the cat whilst trying to tie the bread on.  Secondly, providing you survive the claws, after the experiment (of which I have no insight into the outcome) the cat would escape all attempts at capture and proceed to roll around on your most expensive & delicate fabrics transferring butter everywhere - now I come to think of it does this prove both rules?  The cat lands on it's feet and the butter still goes everywhere.....


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Abbreviated
Why is abbreviated such a long word?   Why indeed?


% Chance of Rain
What do weather forecasters mean when they say there is a 70% chance of rain today? Does this mean that it will be raining for 70% of the day, or does it mean that there is a 70% chance that it will rain at sometime during the day?  If it is the latter, then how long will it rain for - it would be pretty meaningless if one rain drop constituted a 70% chance.  We must be told, especially in Great Britain, where talking about the weather is a national pastime......


Thanks to Ryan Vern for these two
Recorded Earlier
Why do we use the phrase "recorded earlier"?  Is there any other time you can record it?
Good point, well made.

Chameleons
If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what colour would it change?  A good thing to ponder should you ever find yourself with a little too much time on your hands!

New! Luke Dyson writes, "Chameleon in a mirrored box would turn black......due to the lack of light in a box only
containing a chameleon.....unless of course the chameleon  is its own light source, which is the unlikeliest of unlikely things." 
So there you have it!


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Boiling a Kettle
People always say they are going to boil the kettle.   Why?  I've never actually managed to boil a kettle.  Ours is, I think, made of ABS, which has a boiling point of a few hundred °C.  I'm quite successful at boiling the water in the kettle which, I'm guessing, makes better cup of tea & coffee than molten plastic.

Thanks to Mitch for these two
Looking for somewhere in the car
Why is it when driving down an unfamiliar street looking for a house number, you turn the radio down?  Why indeed?  Has anyone else found themselves doing this, or can offer an explanation?

Mobile Telephones
If two people talking on mobile 'phones walk towards each other, does the 'phone bill go down?  Makes you think, doesn't it.


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Thanks to DreamingLily99@aol.com for this one - it was their rant but it only made me ponder.
Crotch Pointing!
Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time?  Do I point 
to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is? 
Good question!

Thanks to Nick in New Zealand for this one
Wiping!
How does a blind person know when they have finished wiping (toilet )?  Another good question, although I suspect that a heightened sense of smell and years of experience help!

Andy's Evolutionary Theory of Dumping
I have a theory that explains the observation that men generally take longer over the act of defecating than women.  It goes something like this:

Dumping can be a very pleasurable thing to do - in fact, there is nothing as under-estimated as a good dump, and nothing as over-estimated as a good £$?% (children may be reading this).  It seems, however, that only men think that dumping is one of life's pleasures, and I think Charles Darwin can explain why.

Sometime in our ancient history, when most of us lived in natural hillside caves, I postulate that both men and women liked a good, long dump.  Now, this is where the problem first arose for the Cro Magnon women.  As they were responsible for looking after their babies, the women who got engrossed in a good long dump were more pre-disposed to loosing their babies over the edge of a cliff or to having some wild animal eat them.  Hence natural selection favored those women who spent less time enjoying their number 2's, and hence today's women have evolved to see dumping as a functional body function instead of something that can be enjoyed.

Now it all makes sense, unless you have a different theory......


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Andy's Evolutionary Theory of Art
This is really a follow on theory to Andy's Evolutionary Theory of Dumping.

If you accept that prehistoric man enjoyed a good dump as much as we do, then my theory goes along the line of this:

During a good dump, men often like a good read - newspapers, books, magazines and even the graffiti in public toilets.  Now this, on the face of it, presents a problem for my dumping theory, as in ancient times the printing press (or for that matter writing) had clearly not been invented.  My theory goes that during a particularly long dump, one of our ancestors got a little bored and started doodling with some coloured earth that happened to be in the vicinity.  The next thing you know, he is sketching primitive drawings of what he sees around him that today we know as primitive cave drawings.  And so art evolved!  If my theory is correct then these archeologists really ought to look where they are standing.....

A related follow on theory would be Andy's Evolutionary Theory of Inventions.  Those cave-men who were no good at drawing got lost in thought during their dump's, and this is how wheels and the like came to be invented.

Compelling theories don't you think.........


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Thanks to Paul Goss for this one
Dangerous Pedestrians
Something that troubles Paul - why do police and media reports often say, "An accident occurred today when a pedestrian was in collision with a heavy goods vehicle?"  You can just imagine the pedestrian careering out of control across the carriageway at 70mph and sending the poor HGV flying!

Just when you thought it was safe to go out on the road....


Thanks to John Turner for this one

Talking with a Lisp
Why is there an 's' in lisp?   Good question - I guess it proves that the person who invented the word didn't have one!


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Thanks to Mike Laming for this one
Scared Half to Death
If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?  Anyone got any thoughts on this?

Thanks to Pete for this observation
The Life of Reilly
If you or I were having a great time we'd be living the life of Reilly.  So, whose life does Reilly live when he has a good time?  Good question.  Anyone called Reilly care to comment?


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Thanks to Martin Goldberg for this one
Mimes
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?  And I'd like to know if they use a real cell or just tell him that he's in an invisible box........

New! The Latest Things to Make You go Hmmmmmm New!

Quantum Theory?
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?   OK, not actually anything to do with nuclear physics, but a damned good question.....

Synchronised Swimming
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?  A good question....

Environmental Dilemma
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?  One for you nature lovers out there....

More Quantum Nonsense
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?  OK, another miss-quote on one of physic's more philosophical questions, but an important theory for all you men out there to consider.......

Self Help Quandary
If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?  Perhaps this one could be tested out...


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More things that make you go Hmmmm comimg soon. Watch this space.....